For the last few years I’ve noticed a pattern at the end of the year.
Christmas starts *super* early. We’re talking before Thanksgiving early. And tough conversations get put off until tomorrow, then the next day, then next week…
And before you know it the year is over and you didn’t have the conversation at all.
The last part happened a lot when I worked at the State Department, at Homeland Security, and at the consulting firm.
Right after Thanksgiving people start saying things like:
“Let’s circle back in January.”
And honestly?
I get it.
You’re tired.
You’ve done the most dealing with your high-maintenance family members over Thanksgiving or you've just managed to get through the holiday.
And there's still Christmas, Hanukkah, and the end-of-year holidays to get through.
You don’t have anything left and you’re just done.
The last thing you want to do is have a difficult conversation.
In addition to sheer exhaustion when I hear someone say, “I’ll deal with it later,” it’s usually because they are:
- Afraid of an emotional reaction
- Afraid of damaging the relationship
- Just can’t make another decision, or
- Want things to be perfect and control the outcome
If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone.
We all avoid difficult conversations.
BUT...
if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 15+ year career it’s that:
Avoiding conversations doesn’t make the issues disappear.
They just grow. And fester.
And your anxiety spikes and the issues take up even more time, space, and energy.
It’s like an infection. Things might look fine on the surface, but if you look closely it’s clear something’s not right.
So, if something’s been on your mind for a while, there’s a reason.
And addressing it now—before the end of the year—will create peace and clarity that *future you* will be grateful for.
So, now I want to show you my process for doing exactly that and having the hard conversation.
Here's my framework for year-end conversations.
This is the framework I use whenever I need to have difficult conversations.
Step 1: Set your intentions.
Before you say a word, ask yourself:
- What’s the goal of this conversation?
- How do I want to feel at the end *and* how do I want the other person to feel?
- How do I want to show up to this conversation?
- What values do I want to embody?
Knowing the answers to these questions helps keep me centered and gives me something to come back to during the actual conversation.
Step 2: Start with an observation, not an accusation.
When you start the conversation be neutral and stick to the facts.
You could try:
“I’ve noticed [insert the behavior, pattern, actions, things you’ve noticed], and I wanted to ask if we can talk about that because I have some questions. And I want to make sure I’m not missing something.”
You’re calm.
You’re not accusing anyone of anything.
You’re being curious and not making any assumptions.
Step 3: End with clear next steps.
Sometimes difficult conversations fall apart towards the end.
You’re not sure what to say so you trail off...
Or maybe you start repeating the same thing over and over.
Then the other person gets frustrated and the conversation ends without any clear path forward.
And now you’ve just spent all this time and energy to have this talk, and there's no resolution, and nobody wants that.
Instead offer 1–2 concrete next steps or actions that you'll do and ask the other person to do the same.
It can be something like:
“I’m going to work on not yelling when I get upset and asking you a question before I make assumptions.”
And then ask them what things they are going to work on.
And you go from there.
You’re both doing the work and committed to a win-win.
Here's one phrase you can use this week.
You can take it and use it to start that difficult conversation you’ve been putting off.
“There’s something I'd like to talk to you about because I want to make sure we’re on the same page going into the New Year.”
This lets the other person know you’re inviting them into a conversation, not preparing for a fight.
And here are two reflection questions for you.
As we make our way into December and the New Year you can ask yourself:
- What’s one conversation I’ve been putting off that I’d be relieved to have be over and done with?
- What’s the cost of carrying it into 2026?
And as you think about those answers I'm gonna invite you to remember that in every conversation somebody’s got to go first.
Going first is usually the hardest part.
And it sucks.
But somebody's got to do it. And sometimes that person is us.
Until next time,
Judnefera
